She's been on the other side of the country for 3 years. Part of me has been on autopilot since she left. Well, that's not exactly true. It happened before she left.. Being on opposite sides when our company split up (knowing she was to be laid off before she did).. Her fear of dogs and my growing pack at home. My job constantly at risk, while she couldn't find a new one. Her added responsibilities raising her nieces while mine where not in my life.
There was a time when I thought it would be easier to let her go. She'd move on; I'd meet other people. But, from the moment we met, she's opened my eyes to a life I'd only read about.
Sure we had a lot in common - recent college grads adjusting to a professional, high tech life, but resisting becoming "corporate." Two of a handful of females in a male dominated company. We both love video games/horror movies/sarcasm/books, are tom boys, and have sister drama.
. . . . yet we were worlds apart. She went to Wellesley; I went to a state college. My dad left after a bad divorce; hers was assassinated for leading a uprising against Idi Amin. She's African; I grew up in a 98% white mid-coast Maine town. I'm the oldest of 3 girls; she's the youngest. I love politics; she never watches the news. Oh, and there's the sexuality thing.
She's straight; I'm bi. It's funny though, because she got mistaken for a lesbian more than I ever did. Since I was out at work, everyone thought we were having an affair. I used to tease her about this. While I kid, I have never thought about her "that way." It would be like having sex with your sister.
Growing up, I never had a "best friend". In the days before GLSEN and GSA's, rural queers kept to themselves. Even though it took me forever to figure out WHY I was different, I knew I should never let my guard down. I think the most intimate thing I ever heard from a girl in high school was "I read 4 books at a time, rotating when I get to the end of a chapter."
That all changed when I met T. I can't explain it, but we recognized each other and connected right away. She never judged me, let me talk out my bi political stuff, and ALWAYS had my back. That's no small thing when hanging out in Ugandan/Kenyan circles; the queer thing is not cool. Yet, she wouldn't think to tell me to hide who I was. She'd be right behind me if things got rough.
I've missed having that energy in my life. Having someone's full acceptance and support, never needing to defend myself. Knowing there was one person on this planet (who I wasn't sleeping with) who "gets me." Email and the phone are ok, but it can't compare to real life chill time.
Whenever you get a ton of bisexuals together, someone always notes how other bi's get them in a way monosexuals never could. There's a truth to that. But there's no sexuality restriction on whom we bond with. Perhaps this is unique to bisexuals - because there's so little "real life" bi community, many of us have blended chosen families.
I get to spend time with mine this week and I couldn't be more excited. In case you're wondering, she now owns 2 dogs of her own, so she should be ok staying here.