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"Gay" marriage

BiNet USA
Honestly, I've been less enthused about the "gay marriage" vs same sex marriage debate than I was the trans inclusive enda; with the ENDA battle, rights were being held up... With the marriage debate, it could be argued.. as some have done.. that the semantics (word choice) will not result in a lack of benefits. After spending time with the amazing Moira, I got to understand how some decisions are being made and can respect that.

One of the reasons so many "state DOMA" legislation's passed, imo, was that national figures imposed their beliefs and did not listen to local voices.. who better knew what would work in their neck of the woods. I am definitely enjoying listening to several CA voices on this list discuss the strategy pros and cons.

I believe the passion form the bi/trans communities on this issue comes from years of baggage and mistreatment from the gay/lesbian community. Since Stonewall (even before), bisexual and transgender individuals have been the back bone of the gay/lesbian movement. We have marched, planned the first pride marches, spoke before congress on DODT, and volunteered tireless hours to effect change for the entire GLBT community.

Yet, time after time, the gay/lesbian leaders have conveniently omitted us - from press releases, proposed legislation, web pages, magazines, etc, etc. The expressed pain comes from the long history of being welcomes when work is needed, yet shunned when convenient. In this particular case, there appears to be no reason for the omission. Does anyone really NOT know what "same sex marriage" refers too?

The gay and lesbian community does a disservice to it's own cause when they remove us from a discussion. Same gender marriage effects bisexuals and transgender individuals in a different way from gays and lesbians, which they would understand if they included us in the process.

One may argue that 2 bisexual females are in a lesbian relationship. I would counter - your individual experiences, feelings, and yes, sexuality effects your relationship. If not, why would so many gays and lesbians be afraid to date us? it's merely a "gay" relationship, right?

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
thefayth
Jul. 7th, 2008 04:57 pm (UTC)
I was part of a same sex wedding party last year, one bi woman and a lesbian. It was a wondrous affair with grandparents and many family and friends celebrating two amazing women. However, more than a few toasts started with my favorite lesbian couple. When it came time for my toast I took a moment to highlight the bi woman's choice to commit her life to her love saying, happy bisexual marriage. She was so happy, herself a former bi activist, that someone said something validating her orientation at her own wedding. I mean it was a happy day, and it wasn't like she was gonna throw the rice away if the wrong words were said, Still, her orientation is herself and her special day was enhanced by the recognition. I argue the point two women who are in a relationship is same sex, and only lesbian if one or both identify as such. I think with this battle some bisexuals are waking up to the fact that their orientation is disappearing fast. I'll also be honest, more than I should perhaps, I'm a bit jealous of the Trans movement and the change they've wrought. I know that visually I have gender expression privileges many trans folk don't, and hence I stand behind Trans rights and protections under the law quite fiercely. Still I feel that the bisexuals have been left behind, and this marriage battle is just another nail in the coffin of our existence.
(Anonymous)
Mar. 31st, 2009 08:18 pm (UTC)
"gay" marriage
it saddens me as well that bisexuals that choose to marry the same sex don't get the recognition that they are bi but they're just lumped together with gays. I am not hating on the gays but one would not say that when you mix blue and yellow you get get blue-yellow, you get green. so i applaud anyone who actively states their bisexuality. i recently talked to some friends that are girls and came out as a bisexual. Two of my friends questioned if i am just confused and later stated and i quote " but you don't walk like a gay guy. you don't even talk like one". I didn't even know how to react but the first thing i said was "that's because i'm not gay. I'm bi. I like the fellas more than the ladies but i still like both of them. And besides not all gays are effeminate and not all lesbians are macho". It is regrettable that we are almost made invisible by heterosexuals and homosexuals alike.
(Anonymous)
Jun. 26th, 2009 02:14 pm (UTC)
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rambhai
Oct. 21st, 2009 08:49 am (UTC)
Gay marriage, are allowed in few parts of the world but what about your views on traditional way of love marriage. I have read various novels, romantic books on this love marriage and in mean while i came across a book named 2 States: The Story of my marriage by an indian author - Chetan Bhagat and found this one a very interesting one.
jamiel000
Oct. 28th, 2009 12:37 pm (UTC)
Love and Marriage
It's unfortunate that labels for sexual orientation differentiate how two people should love, express their love or demonstrate their commitment - and ultimately, how they will be treated in very practical ways by government and private institutions.

Love and relationships are complicated enough without this complication to deal with. I sometimes wonder how much time STRAIGHT couples spend considering this topic, and what tool it takes on their own relationships as the evaluate what love and marriage are all about.
fleerfloruif
Nov. 27th, 2009 07:36 am (UTC)
Love wasn't a part of marriage until the 17th century, and even then, the idea of marrying "just" for love was seen as rather foolish.
valeriecardone
Jan. 13th, 2010 06:41 am (UTC)
I don't agree on gay marriage, but since it's an accepted norm, better give it a chance. So long the couple love each other, respect each other and willing to keep a discreet affair, I think they have the right to stay together.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )